By Josef Tate
 Long Term Relationships
Long-term relationships are a different animal from their
short-term cousins. Relationships go through stages and the
first stages are very different from the later ones. In long-term
relationships, the patterns of communication are different.
The patterns are not laced with uncertainty, or so much sexuality,
or keenness of interest. Couple have "gotten used" to each other,
and their behavior reflects this change. Couples take each other
much more for granted. This does not have to be bad, but it is
different, considering the pattern of communication in the beginning
stages.
One of the most striking things to change is the emergence of
history. When we grow up, we absorb the culture of our parents
or surroundings. This becomes our "unconscious" norm. If we were
treated well in the past, we think this will continue into the
present. Conversely, if
things did not go so well, our unconscious
bias is to expect similarly, even though consciously we, of course,
wish otherwise.
In the long-term relationship, this history begins to "pop up;"
that is, insert itself into our otherwise ordinary behaviors. A
real-life example is when one of the partners was
(and probably still is) the oldest of many brothers/sisters growing
up. She marries a man who is the youngest of a brood. Normally,
love conquers all, until the glow or novelty of the first stage of
the relationship wears off. Then the wife begins to behave as the
oldest, just about the time the husband begins to behave as the
youngest. One can imagine the conflicts that will follow as she
herds him or directs his behaviors or controls his impulsivity.
He, on the other hand, is used to having lots of attention from
older sibs and might even be used to being "the baby of the family."
He acts cute and thinks others will take care of him. She resents
the assumption because this is more work for her.
This is a general example but plays out often than one might
expect because the "real" people behind the roles of wife and
husband are surfacing.
The phenomenon behind this little charade is what we
psychologists call acting out of the transference. Transference
is the group of assumptions we all carry at unconscious levels that
guide our impulses and influence our choices. They're the attitudes
and biases I mentioned above that come from childhood. In
relationships, especially long-term ones, these transference biases
become increasingly visible in the patterns of behavior we manifest
to our partners. As the relationship matures the core values of
the individual become visible. The assumptions are acted out onto
our partner almost automatically (certainly unconsciously at first),
until there build some routines.
In the above example, if the wife is used to bossing around or
even just being in charge of younger siblings, she may take a
critical or even judgmental tone. She may use phrases that convey
authority or superiority, such as "you should" do this or that, or
"you should not" do this or that. This will put the listener
(the husband) in the position of being scolded; thus, he will feel
more like a child. If he happens to be the youngest kid in the
family, this will feel comfortable, even if he is criticized.
But sooner or later, the adult part of his brain will resent being
treated like a child and tensions will build.
Now we have a problem that feeds itself. She will criticize,
he will resent it and probably sabotage her efforts. The more she
criticizes, the more he will undo her efforts, consciously or
otherwise. This will escalate until one of them "blows."
I call this a Negative Loop. That's where each partner does
what irritates the other, who in turn does the very thing in
response that caused the first partner to do what he or she did.
This is a very general outline of thousands of possible transference
patterns and only one of eight major Negative Loops that I run into
every day in my practice as an outpatient psychologist and marriage
therapist.
-Dr. Griggs
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Super Sexuality: Bigger Better Orgasms - Seven Tips for Spectacular Sex and Outrageous Orgasms
By Sheri Winston
 Do you know how to have spectacular prolonged orgasms every time you have sex? After you read this article, you will!
1. Bounteous Breath
Breath is basic. You dont have to remember any complicated esoteric formulas or worry if youre doing it wrong. You certainly wont forget to do it at all. Breath happens. And, if you want your orgasms to expand, all you need to do is enhance whatever your breath is already doing. Just do a little more. Breathe a little faster, draw it in a little deeper, let it out a bit longer, or open your chest and belly more. Enhance your breathing and youll augment your arousal and your climax will be bigger and better.
2. Celebration of Sounds
Sound inhibition is the enemy of freeing your orgasm, so to escalate your experience, open your mouth and let the sounds out. You dont have to raise the roof or frighten the horses, just dont be silent. Freeing your sound is an important key to experiencing expanded sexuality.
Start small by making your breath audible. Play with making soft, sexy sounds as you proceed through your arousal journey. Expand your sound repertoire as you become more comfortable with your sound ability. Moan, coo, sigh and whimper and youll enhance your experience (and your partners, too!) Allow yourself to have fun releasing your soundtrack of pleasure.
Use sound (and breath, of course) when you start coming and just dont stop. Let sound roll out of your open mouth as the orgasmic wave moves through you. When youre climaxing, keep your sounds going and your orgasm will keep on going, too!
3. Shake Your Booty
Rocking your hips is the basic mammal mating motion. Utilize that ancient pathway and pump your pelvis! Imagine your spine is a snake and undulate away. Even a small pelvic tilting motion will activate a basic sex reflex, so rock and roll your booty to enhance your turn-on and increase your climax. Dont just lie there, vibrate, shimmy, quiver and quake. Rock it and roll it and shake it all around. Let your thrusting animal out and youll propel your orgasm sky-high. Pump it up, baby!
4. Flex Your Floor
Inside the bottom of your body lies a hammock of muscles that surround your genitalia and associated organs. Every time you grasp and release these muscles, youre squeezing, rubbing and fondling your sexy bits. Essentially, youre playing with yourself without using your hands, which is convenient because during sex your hands are often busy elsewhere.
The pelvic floor muscles also act as a trampoline for sexual energy that ricochets it all around your body, spreading your arousal and magnifying its intensity.
There is no one right way to play with your pelvic floor muscles, so experiment with lots of different actions. Squeeze, pull up, cinch together, flutter, vibrate, push, hold and release them as you see fit. Just get them involved and youll heighten your excitement, experience easier arousal, and extend your orgasm.
5. Say Yes!
These first four tips develop skills that primarily utilize the toolkit of your body to enhance your sexuality. This tip uses your mind skills, since that really is your primary sexual organ. Give yourself permission to feel more, do more, explore and go further, deeper and wilder then you ever have. Free your mind and the rest will cum along.
When playing with your new skills, resistance, fear, anxiety along with concerns about impropriety will likely arise. Fend them off by repeatedly giving yourself permission to feel all the pleasure youre capable of, and to be a wildly free sexual being.
Give yourself permission, over and over, to release, to let go of inhibitions, to push yourself into new territory. Say Yes to pleasure, Yes to getting wilder, YES to going further then you thought you could. When you start to come, dont let limiting beliefs stop you. Say Yes to allowing yourself to keep going -- and you will.
6. Solo Personal Practice
You learn through repetition. Like driving a car or playing a musical instrument, you need to practice to get good at any learned skills, including (and perhaps especially) at sex. To experience super sexuality you need to practice until the learning becomes embedded in your body-mind and your responses become automatic. Practice makes access as you lay down a neural groove, a pattern that forms an embodied trail. The more you traverse that path, the easier it gets. And, when you use your breath, sound and movement skills repeatedly, they become natural and effortless. As your abilities become habitual, you become increasingly orgasmically proficient.
As with music making, you need to be proficient with your own equipment before you can play beautiful duets. Solo practice will give you the foundational skills you need to make sex with a partner a gloriously hot collaboration. I encourage you to play your own instrument and become fluent in the language of your sexual self. That doesnt mean you shouldnt also play and practice with partners, just that you must also cultivate your own abilities, alone, with yourself. So practice, lots and lots! It may not get you to Carnegie Hall, but it will get you where you want to go.
7. Play & Experiment
These tips are based on things that work well for most people, most of the time. And, you are utterly unique. Remember -- there is no one right way to have fabulous sex or become mega-orgasmic. There are many paths to expanded sexuality. Dont get stuck thinking about whether youre doing it right or wrong. Instead, notice what works and what doesnt.
Take these ideas into the laboratory of your life and play with them. Do your own experiments and pay attention to what transpires. Try variations on each theme and notice where they take you. Explore and see what arises (or doesnt). Be your own scientist and observe what happens when you do it one way or another. Discover what works for you and then see if you can expand upon that. Try everything once or better yet, several times and attend to the results. Combine skills and notice if they enhance each other. Be creative and remember to play!
Since sex is something thats both inherent and learned, you may as well grab hold of yourself and grab this opportunity to develop old skills and learn new ones. Use these tips to explore the hardware of your biological template and learn how to fully use your awesome capacity to re-program the sexy software of your self.
The immediate reward will be evident in your increased pleasure ability. But bigger, better orgasms arent the only benefit of becoming a virtuoso of your own sexuality. Orgasmic tsunamis will put a satisfied spring in your step and a radiant smile on your face. When you can easily get aroused by a wide variety of yummy stimuli and have orgasms that last for many minutes at a time, its hard to be bummed out. The world really does look better when youre looking through orgasm-colored glasses. Go ahead, start now. Take matters into your very own hot little hands and remember -- practice, practice, practice!
Outrageous orgasms are a good place to start your expanded sexuality journey. Sheri Winston is a Wholistic Sexuality Teacher and sexpowerment catalyst. Come visit SheriWinston.com, for information, articles, our newsletter, other free goodies and so much more!
The Best Relationships Help You Will Ever Find
By Daniel Millions
 Often men and women are at opposite ends of the spectrum when the issue of relationships is taken into account. Their behaviors and differences are most noticeable when taking into consideration how they behave during emotion charged conflicts. This provides a clear insight into realizing how they process their differences.
According to surveys written by relationship counselors, limited communication is credited for more than half of the failed relationships that are observed and documented. This is not a surprise to anyone who has lived inside a relationship that has lasted more than a couple of weeks.
One very interesting factor is the number of reasons that lead to the failure of relationships. Stories of the behavioral misdeeds and misunderstandings that trigger relationship disasters reveal an intricate series of obvious manipulations.
Differences in how individuals in a relationship were raised and the reasons couples came together in the first place can differ so much that their motives often contribute to tears in the fabric of the relationship.
One example is the emotional baggage one or both partners may carry from from having survived terrible childhood experiences. What is learned from each perspective that is observed provides examples that counselors apply from their session successes and small failures.
This equips them to help couples from a diverse range of points of view. The knowledge and experience of long sessions with couples focused coaching provides relationship coaches a rich storehouse of tools for helping partners in a relationship.
The old expression, "Knowledge is power," sounds true once it is pointed toward a relationship's survival. When couples take even a few minutes to focus on their relationship strengths, they can learn to make the relationship stronger. By stronger I mean, the strength that many relationships experience is founded on old mental junk being experienced over and over by the partners.
In nearly every situation couples keep their baggage a secret from their partner. Most of the time partners wait until it's too late to share their baggage with their partner. The primary issue that hurts the relationship is often not the emotional baggage or the related issues that contribute to the break up of the relationship.
What tends to accelerate the failure of the relationship is the silent misery and suffering compounded with a quietly held feeling that the other partner should actually know everything about this baggage, even though neither of them has ever risked talking directly about the issue that causes them to suffer.
Working to make your relationship work may seem like a big task but often adding more humor can have an amazing impact. There are many ways to put your relationship on a different track, but it may take lots of out of the box thinking to get the ball rolling. John Maxwell, the extremely talented author of "Relationships 101," says, "People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." In many relationships couples ignore this most valuable part of any relationship's potential for improvement.
Thinking more about looking at ways of growing your relationship outside he physical level of living together, means each partner must be profoundly dedicated to the other partner. Once both partners center on their loyalty to each other change can begin.
This step includes undertaking the risk of assuming each of the partners is keeping a secret about the baggage they bought into the relationship. This is not a suggestion that partners pry or aggressively intrude into the other partner's privacy, because privacy is always vital in a relationship.
The message here is that while privacy must forever be honored, partners must share the secrets that could hurt the relationship if they are not disclosed. Communicating is not requiring your partner to divulge every detail of their day. True communication travels to physical and emotional locations untouched by words alone.
What helps to translate the balance that is required starts with looking into the heart of the matter and searching for a means of locating a handle on one's own baggage. Many times partners are attracted to each other because of their differences.
It is well known that children who experience an abusive environment will mostly find themselves in an abusive relationship as an adult. Acknowledging the reality of the presence of this baggage in one's self forms the basis of the subconscious desire for the other partner's understanding in the form of silent knowing.
Additionally, it is also true that this baggage, once revealed, helps the partner gain an enhanced understanding of the behaviors and barriers that have been part of the relationship. The healing and preventative process should start out with a message and an understanding that all old baggage, both known and unknown, lives|in the relationship.
Both partners must also acknowledge that open and honest communication is the primary component for the success of the relationship, while limited communication can be the main cause for any potential for the failure of the relationship. Relationships where limited communication is the norm won't survive.
Relationships survive when open and sensitive communication is active and practiced regularly. Once open communication is ends, so does the relationship.
Get Relationship Help and Relationship Coaching from the official love doctor.
Making Love for a Successful Relationship
By Piper Cox
 What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of the term making love? Probably thoughts of intimacy, lingerie, candlelight, and bubble baths. But is that all there is to it? Think about it what do you want from a loving relationship? Are you in it just for the physical contact, or do you want more? Making love means so much more than physical, making love is about the entire relationship.
Perhaps you have heard it said that men need to make foreplay a twenty four hour a day occurrence. For a woman, physical intimacy begins in the brain so if you make her feel good mentally and emotionally in addition to physically you are well on your way to making love. The same goes for women, does your man feel loved when he walks in the door? What can you do to show your love in a mental and emotional way?
So how can you make love with your partner outside of the bedroom? There are so many ways but the most important thing you can do is get to know your partner as a person. Once you know your partners hopes and dreams, showing love in emotionally will come very easily to you. This is especially important for people who already have rocky relationships. The best way to win your love back is to take an active interest in their everyday life, then incorporate what you learn into showing love for them. If you know they generally have a bad workday on Wednesdays, have a special meal waiting when they get home. Or take them to a movie and out to dinner. Maybe send your partner flowers or a personal email while they are working. Let them know you are thinking about them.
Perhaps one of best ways to show love is to help with mundane tasks. Do the laundry, put the kids to bed, or help in the yard. You get the picture. Sometimes it is the everyday moments that make a relationship. Women especially appreciate this type of help. It shows them that you care for them on a deeper level and you realize how much they do every day. The same is true for women showing love for their man. Take the care for an oil change, rake the leaves, take out the garbage, etc. There are so many little things that can be done every day to show love.
Of course there are the special things you can do as well the special dinner out, a gift for no reason, etc. These things are like frosting on a cake, it is so delicious and yummy but you really cant eat a cake made entirely of frosting. It is too rich. You need the cake as well, so look at the everyday actions as the cake and the special extras as the frosting. The frosting is a delicious surprise, but the cake is the basis of the relationship.
By making love on the emotional and mental level first, the physical level will have so much more meaning. That translates into a deeper and more fulfilling relationship. After all, it is all about love.
Piper likes to live a healthy life by choosing the right foods and exercising every day. As a writer, she uses her articles to help people discover more about healthy relationships She likes yard work, watching good movies and fitness. Look at her site, www.officedesklamps.org to learn all about great office lights.
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