Have you ever noticed that most newlyweds have a timeline for life? Have you also noticed that life only extends five years into the future for most newlyweds? I don’t know about you, but most of my friends who have recently been married are now owning pets, buying homes, having babies, and then… what comes after having babies?

I feel I’m in a place to write about this topic because I am a newlywed myself. I was married last October and will be celebrating my one year anniversary in two months. However, unlike most newlyweds, my husband and I are not in the market for a home and do not have a desire for pets or children. Does this make us weird?

No. I actually think it makes us smart. In today’s ever changing society, we are told that owning a house, living independently, and having children after marriage is acceptable. What we are not told is that reaching these socially acceptable goals is also financially hurtful if you are not in a place to manage the expenses that come with owning a home or caring for children. In my struggle to fight the crowd, I’ve noticed how much others react to our desire to be different. I’ve also noticed how much others are inconsiderate of their financial situations when chasing their timeline of dreams.

My best friends are guilty of that chase and continue to want when they don’t have the means. This has raised questions for me over the past months, especially questions about the state of their relationships. Is your spouse more important than your desire for a home? Is your relationship secondary to having another child? Do you not realize that owning a home and having children is expensive? And you want to stay home with your kids when you are barely meeting your current financial needs?

As a marriage and family therapist, my passion is to see couples succeed in their relationships and work together as a team through life. Unfortunately, what I find with most newlywed dream chasers is disrespect for their spouses, increased frustration, and the inability to compromise. The dream has become more important than the relationship and I worry that the couple will not realize the fault in their ways until they are ready to give up on each other.

So, how can we change the current state of newlywed relationships to offer more hope, better communication, and patience with future desires? As a therapist, I would recommend